The ‘Expecto Patronums’ In My Life!

Before I start, let me just educate those who haven’t gone through J.K.Rowling’s famous Harry Potter series about “Expecto Patronums.’  ‘Expecto Patronus’ is supposed to be the most powerful and difficult task of magic in the wizard world of Harry Potter. This magic is used against the evil creatures or soul named Dementors in the wizard world. The very presence of Dementors will drain you out of the colours in your life and fill your mind with hopelessness, despair, fear and all the negative emotions that you can possess. There is only one way to use ‘Expecto Patronus’ against them. Think of the happiest moments in your life and shout ‘Expecto Patronus.’ If your happy thought is really sincere, the ‘Expecto Patronus’ will be very powerful to scare off the Dementors. The happiness, hope and harmony are back in your life then!

Now, let us come back from the wizard world to our own simple lives.  I am not a witch ¹! But there are days in my life when I get attacks from Dementors. These Dementors are no superficial characters but real human beings like me whose very actions and words can fill my mind with negative emotions. Initially I used to run away and try to shut the doors of my world to them. But some of these Dementors are really powerful and could filter in through small gaps. 

I am not here to discuss about the Dementors in my life but about the ‘Expecto Patronums’ that help me during dementor attacks. Three years before, I was totally shattered in an afternoon after getting a particularly insinuating call from a dementor. My friend understood my condition with just a glimpse and her words stand as the first and most powerful ‘Expecto Patronus’  for me ever since.

Be like a wall! They will throw all the rotten eggs at you and stand like a wall. Never respond and care about what they tell.  After some time they only will be covered in the dirt created by them.

It was very difficult to follow these words. But I did as she said. In the uncontrollable moments I took upon my anger on my husband who can completely understand me. The result was unexpected! The frequency of rotten eggs deteriorated and peace found way to my life again.

Here, I mean that the frequency of dementor attack reduced. But it hasn’t vanished completely from my life. In between I also enriched my ‘Expecto Patronus’ with many happy moments in the company of my good.  I started to boost up my confidence level by clinging to any kind word or encouragement that came on my way.

It was then that I moved away from India and all my friends to Riyadh. Totally unexpected, the life at Riyadh provided me with rich and happy moments. As a family, we rekindled the warmth and togetherness between us. The dementor attack almost became zilch.

Life almost fell back to a normal track. It was then I started getting the superficial dementor attacks. During my idle time, all the Dementors from my past started to attack my mind through memories. Whoever said that “an idle mind is a devil’s workshop” meant it aptly. Initially, I scared off these dementor memories by rigorously engaging in household duties and cooking experiments. However, as days went by, these tasks became routines and dementor memories peeped in again.

There I decided to enrich my “Expecto Patronus” again. I started to draw happy thoughts associated with each dementor attack. For instance when I remember my childhood difficulties, I also think of the walks with my mother and sister back from school. When I remember my low academic performances during Pre-Degree I think of the academic success I gained after that. When I remember some Dementors in my college days, I also think of those friends who made my life truly fulfilling and so forth... The dementor attacks again deteriorated at this stage.

Above all these, “Expecto Patronus’ grew immensely stronger with little Shreya. Her love, trust and confidence in me gave a new dimension to my life. For the first time, I knew the meaning of love from which I don’t expect anything. As I pamper, play and even get angry with her; they are happy moments in my life.

Then, again..... There started dementor attacks not in memories but in real life! This time the attack was stronger than usual.

It was a time when my mother and sister were advising me to practice what I always cherished. Write, write and write! Though not confident in writing any more, I started again to jot down. The result was miraculous. As I wrote down each line, a new energy came into me and I got peace. As I got a word of inspiration from my husband, sister and friends, I became confident that there are many more happy moments to enrich my “Expecto Patronus.’

Now, the present day is such a one with a dementor attack. This article has become a strong ‘Expecto Patronus’ for me today. I realize though I may face many more dementor attacks in my life, there will also be happy moments to make my ‘Expecto Patronus’ more powerful. I realize that none's life is free from dementor attacks. I may not be able to provide you all with an “Expecto Patronus” to scare off those Dementors. But the above methods really work wonders in my life.  I just had an intense longing to jot it down at the moment. I would also like to hear about your “Expecto Patronums.”

 1. I consider the word ‘witch’ in the positive sense ever since I read Harry Potter.

A Suicide Note From Riyadh...

Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation
You will squeeze the life out of me

(Time Is Running Out: Sylvia Plath)

It seems, this is the feeling most of the people feel before committing suicide.

A girl named Shreya committed suicide in Riyadh, just two weeks before writing this article. Hailed from a country that contributes to more than 10% in the world’s suicide rate, this news was nothing new to me. I have learned to easily flip away through this type of news. However this teenager’s death somehow got into my mind until now.

I never knew the girl and her family but frequents with their family friends. The girl’s name is ‘Shreya’ as of my little one. People who conveyed the news to me assert that the deceased teenager was a smart girl with mastery in dance, anchoring and studies. However a casual scolding from her parents prompted her to take this deathly step.

It seems, Shreya never wanted to commit suicide. It seems she didn’t even put a loop at both ends of the shawl that she had used to hang herself. She was with an aim to scare her parents off and make them feel guilty for their scolding. But the time for her to complete the life had come at that moment.

We can in a way tell, “It’s all fate!” 

We can also tell, “These teenagers, they don’t even know the value of their parents’ love. How foolish!"

Almost all parents have these worries “The present day’s adolescents are changing. They don’t like advice. How can we correct them?”

Every day one or another teenager commits suicide for low marks in examination, love (infatuation?) failure, as result of scolding from parents and for reasons we can’t even imagine!!! The poor parents stand helpless mourning or dreading the loss of their most valuables.

Once a teenager commits suicide, there are many fingers that point towards parents too-for lack of attention, over expectation, over pampering etc... Some of them are well pointed out too. But one

aspect no one can deny. Most of the parents didn’t want the death of their teenager. Then where did they fail?

The Psychologists Foundation working in teenage suicide tendencies unanimously agree on an aspect of modern parents. They are confused parents! They don’t want to be dominating as their predecessors and act their best to be the pals of their children. They’ll play, sing, talk and do whatever they can do with the child. There may not be any restrictions till they reach their teenage.

However as the children step into adolescence most of the parents are scared. As they start to hear the modern teenage secrets, the old traditional parent takes a rebirth in them. They sometimes lose their tough challenge to be a pal for their kid and kick back! The trouble starts then! The teenager start to believe that they can no longer trust their parents and the rebellion begins.

There are many manuals that suggest how to deal with parent-teenage rifts. However many psychologists suggest that the dealings should start from the root. It’s always better to be an honest pal to your teenager than a good faced friend. Let your kid realize from the beginning that you also will get hurt, angry and unreasonable at times.  Even though you are ready to support them, let them realize they must plough their own fields. Let them understand that if they fall down, you’ll give them moral support to stand by themselves.

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

(Guns n Roses: Sylvia Plath)

When the teenagers commit suicide, we tend to call them ‘irresponsible.’ They are not! They are ignorant than being ‘irresponsible.’ They haven’t seen the world other than their school, tuition centers, hang out places and homes. They feel that ‘it’s their life.’ They can’t imagine a world other than this! 

The best way to solve this dilemma is to ‘let them dream!’ Let them understand that teenage is the last step of their family life with you. Soon, they’ll have to fly out to make their own nests on new branches. If you encourage them to envisage a world of their own and work hard towards it, you can also ask them to put aside the recent troubles as thorns in the path.

Till now, I’ve spoken about how the parents should deal with the issue. But here is a short note for my little sisters and brothers too. It’s true that everyone in this world has thought about suicide at least once in their lives. However, if that thought strikes your mind, just think of a happy moment or dearest person in your life. It’s a very hard and courageous act to do, but tomorrow is yours!

Afterword: The God’s Own Country’s suicide rate is thrice to the national suicide rate. Everyday minimum 28 people commit suicide in Kerala.  However, thanks to the work of many social welfare organizations, mental health authorities and NGOs, the rate have reduced from 30.8 per Lakh (Hundred Thousand)  to 25.5/ Lakh(Hundred Thousand) during the period from 2003 to 2009. Let us hope that a suicide free society. (Courtesy: http://www.ksmha.org/suicide.html) 

This article has focused only on the teenage suicide tendencies.