The ‘Expecto Patronums’ In My Life!

Before I start, let me just educate those who haven’t gone through J.K.Rowling’s famous Harry Potter series about “Expecto Patronums.’  ‘Expecto Patronus’ is supposed to be the most powerful and difficult task of magic in the wizard world of Harry Potter. This magic is used against the evil creatures or soul named Dementors in the wizard world. The very presence of Dementors will drain you out of the colours in your life and fill your mind with hopelessness, despair, fear and all the negative emotions that you can possess. There is only one way to use ‘Expecto Patronus’ against them. Think of the happiest moments in your life and shout ‘Expecto Patronus.’ If your happy thought is really sincere, the ‘Expecto Patronus’ will be very powerful to scare off the Dementors. The happiness, hope and harmony are back in your life then!

Now, let us come back from the wizard world to our own simple lives.  I am not a witch ¹! But there are days in my life when I get attacks from Dementors. These Dementors are no superficial characters but real human beings like me whose very actions and words can fill my mind with negative emotions. Initially I used to run away and try to shut the doors of my world to them. But some of these Dementors are really powerful and could filter in through small gaps. 

I am not here to discuss about the Dementors in my life but about the ‘Expecto Patronums’ that help me during dementor attacks. Three years before, I was totally shattered in an afternoon after getting a particularly insinuating call from a dementor. My friend understood my condition with just a glimpse and her words stand as the first and most powerful ‘Expecto Patronus’  for me ever since.

Be like a wall! They will throw all the rotten eggs at you and stand like a wall. Never respond and care about what they tell.  After some time they only will be covered in the dirt created by them.

It was very difficult to follow these words. But I did as she said. In the uncontrollable moments I took upon my anger on my husband who can completely understand me. The result was unexpected! The frequency of rotten eggs deteriorated and peace found way to my life again.

Here, I mean that the frequency of dementor attack reduced. But it hasn’t vanished completely from my life. In between I also enriched my ‘Expecto Patronus’ with many happy moments in the company of my good.  I started to boost up my confidence level by clinging to any kind word or encouragement that came on my way.

It was then that I moved away from India and all my friends to Riyadh. Totally unexpected, the life at Riyadh provided me with rich and happy moments. As a family, we rekindled the warmth and togetherness between us. The dementor attack almost became zilch.

Life almost fell back to a normal track. It was then I started getting the superficial dementor attacks. During my idle time, all the Dementors from my past started to attack my mind through memories. Whoever said that “an idle mind is a devil’s workshop” meant it aptly. Initially, I scared off these dementor memories by rigorously engaging in household duties and cooking experiments. However, as days went by, these tasks became routines and dementor memories peeped in again.

There I decided to enrich my “Expecto Patronus” again. I started to draw happy thoughts associated with each dementor attack. For instance when I remember my childhood difficulties, I also think of the walks with my mother and sister back from school. When I remember my low academic performances during Pre-Degree I think of the academic success I gained after that. When I remember some Dementors in my college days, I also think of those friends who made my life truly fulfilling and so forth... The dementor attacks again deteriorated at this stage.

Above all these, “Expecto Patronus’ grew immensely stronger with little Shreya. Her love, trust and confidence in me gave a new dimension to my life. For the first time, I knew the meaning of love from which I don’t expect anything. As I pamper, play and even get angry with her; they are happy moments in my life.

Then, again..... There started dementor attacks not in memories but in real life! This time the attack was stronger than usual.

It was a time when my mother and sister were advising me to practice what I always cherished. Write, write and write! Though not confident in writing any more, I started again to jot down. The result was miraculous. As I wrote down each line, a new energy came into me and I got peace. As I got a word of inspiration from my husband, sister and friends, I became confident that there are many more happy moments to enrich my “Expecto Patronus.’

Now, the present day is such a one with a dementor attack. This article has become a strong ‘Expecto Patronus’ for me today. I realize though I may face many more dementor attacks in my life, there will also be happy moments to make my ‘Expecto Patronus’ more powerful. I realize that none's life is free from dementor attacks. I may not be able to provide you all with an “Expecto Patronus” to scare off those Dementors. But the above methods really work wonders in my life.  I just had an intense longing to jot it down at the moment. I would also like to hear about your “Expecto Patronums.”

 1. I consider the word ‘witch’ in the positive sense ever since I read Harry Potter.

A Suicide Note From Riyadh...

Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation
You will squeeze the life out of me

(Time Is Running Out: Sylvia Plath)

It seems, this is the feeling most of the people feel before committing suicide.

A girl named Shreya committed suicide in Riyadh, just two weeks before writing this article. Hailed from a country that contributes to more than 10% in the world’s suicide rate, this news was nothing new to me. I have learned to easily flip away through this type of news. However this teenager’s death somehow got into my mind until now.

I never knew the girl and her family but frequents with their family friends. The girl’s name is ‘Shreya’ as of my little one. People who conveyed the news to me assert that the deceased teenager was a smart girl with mastery in dance, anchoring and studies. However a casual scolding from her parents prompted her to take this deathly step.

It seems, Shreya never wanted to commit suicide. It seems she didn’t even put a loop at both ends of the shawl that she had used to hang herself. She was with an aim to scare her parents off and make them feel guilty for their scolding. But the time for her to complete the life had come at that moment.

We can in a way tell, “It’s all fate!” 

We can also tell, “These teenagers, they don’t even know the value of their parents’ love. How foolish!"

Almost all parents have these worries “The present day’s adolescents are changing. They don’t like advice. How can we correct them?”

Every day one or another teenager commits suicide for low marks in examination, love (infatuation?) failure, as result of scolding from parents and for reasons we can’t even imagine!!! The poor parents stand helpless mourning or dreading the loss of their most valuables.

Once a teenager commits suicide, there are many fingers that point towards parents too-for lack of attention, over expectation, over pampering etc... Some of them are well pointed out too. But one

aspect no one can deny. Most of the parents didn’t want the death of their teenager. Then where did they fail?

The Psychologists Foundation working in teenage suicide tendencies unanimously agree on an aspect of modern parents. They are confused parents! They don’t want to be dominating as their predecessors and act their best to be the pals of their children. They’ll play, sing, talk and do whatever they can do with the child. There may not be any restrictions till they reach their teenage.

However as the children step into adolescence most of the parents are scared. As they start to hear the modern teenage secrets, the old traditional parent takes a rebirth in them. They sometimes lose their tough challenge to be a pal for their kid and kick back! The trouble starts then! The teenager start to believe that they can no longer trust their parents and the rebellion begins.

There are many manuals that suggest how to deal with parent-teenage rifts. However many psychologists suggest that the dealings should start from the root. It’s always better to be an honest pal to your teenager than a good faced friend. Let your kid realize from the beginning that you also will get hurt, angry and unreasonable at times.  Even though you are ready to support them, let them realize they must plough their own fields. Let them understand that if they fall down, you’ll give them moral support to stand by themselves.

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

(Guns n Roses: Sylvia Plath)

When the teenagers commit suicide, we tend to call them ‘irresponsible.’ They are not! They are ignorant than being ‘irresponsible.’ They haven’t seen the world other than their school, tuition centers, hang out places and homes. They feel that ‘it’s their life.’ They can’t imagine a world other than this! 

The best way to solve this dilemma is to ‘let them dream!’ Let them understand that teenage is the last step of their family life with you. Soon, they’ll have to fly out to make their own nests on new branches. If you encourage them to envisage a world of their own and work hard towards it, you can also ask them to put aside the recent troubles as thorns in the path.

Till now, I’ve spoken about how the parents should deal with the issue. But here is a short note for my little sisters and brothers too. It’s true that everyone in this world has thought about suicide at least once in their lives. However, if that thought strikes your mind, just think of a happy moment or dearest person in your life. It’s a very hard and courageous act to do, but tomorrow is yours!

Afterword: The God’s Own Country’s suicide rate is thrice to the national suicide rate. Everyday minimum 28 people commit suicide in Kerala.  However, thanks to the work of many social welfare organizations, mental health authorities and NGOs, the rate have reduced from 30.8 per Lakh (Hundred Thousand)  to 25.5/ Lakh(Hundred Thousand) during the period from 2003 to 2009. Let us hope that a suicide free society. (Courtesy: http://www.ksmha.org/suicide.html) 

This article has focused only on the teenage suicide tendencies.

Eclipse Shines Over Hollywood!

The fans of vampires in India had to wait a little more than their foreign counterparts for the release of the Twilight saga Eclipse. As the Indian Twilight fans are ready to swarm into the theatres, here is a glimpse of what they can expect in the silver screen.

Plot
It is only common that a movie adaptation of a novel won’t satisfy the expectations of a reader. However Melissa Rosenberg has done a good job in script writing as she had depicted Stephanie Meyer’s Eclipse with utmost justice.

The movie begins with the young man named Riley from Forks attacked by mysterious forces on his way back to home. The movie then concentrates back to the never ending romance between the vampire hero Edward and Bella. However, this time the romance is interrupted by Jacob Black with whom Bella had shared a close bond during Edward’s absence.

As the movie progresses Bella dangles between her love towards Edward and Jacob’s forced attempts to win her back. During these confusions, Bella graduates and her graduation party is interrupted by Alice’s (Edward’s sister and a Vampire) vision on an oncoming attack from an army of newborn Vampires.

A war evolves round Bella, as Edward and his family of vampires and Jacob’s pack of werewolves prepares to protect her. In the meanwhile Rosalie and Jasper narrate their human lives to Bella and how painful it is to live as vampires. It becomes clear to Bella through a dream vision that Victoria is behind the attacks and she has turned Riley into a vampire.

Victoria lures Riley to lead an army of vampires to Forks in an attempt to eradicate Bella and the Cullens. The war turns out in favor of Cullens and werewolves. Victoria and Riley locate Bella and Edward at the hilltop only to get killed by Edward.

Jacob gets hurt during the war and he realizes that Bella will never accept him as her life mate. The movie ends with Bella and Edward in the romantic scenario.

Plus
• Xavier Samuel comes as promise through his role as Riley in the movie.

• The dialogues rendered between Edward and Jacob has already moved the readers. In the movie depiction, the viewers are drawn to abandon allies for each of them and convinced of their love toward Bella through that two-minute conversation.

• The choreography and soundtrack are excellent to give the full effect for the movie.

Drawbacks
• It is sad to watch that an actor like Robert Pattinson doesn’t have much to do in the movie due to his limited role.

• Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner have done a comparatively good job, though viewers expect much more from them.

• I couldn’t help laughing when Bella urges Jacob to kiss her and later turn to face Edward. I just wondered how the character has twisted from the helpless lover into a modern girl who turns her love into a weapon to control a werewolf!

• Bryce Dallas Howard’s replacement of Rachelle Lefevre as Victoria fails at many times. Bryce somehow couldn’t bring the cold expression of a vampire onto her manners.

There is no doubt that the movie will entertain not only the Twilight fans but others who love adventurous romance. I would strongly suggest a bite from this movie....

Do These Stars Really Glitter?

It was the grand finale of one of the umpteen realty shows that dominate the television channels these days. Being the only reality show for which I’m a regular viewer, I was ready to spare the long hours through which Asianet conducted the grand finale of “Idea Star Singer Season 4.” As I sat in front of the television watching the never ending advertisements and one or two songs that telecasted in between, I was just wondering on the journey of this reality show over the past five years.

Except for one episode I hadn’t watched the Idea Star Singer telecasted in 2006. As per the viewer’s reports, the show had high standard. I am ignorant to comment about that part since, the only episode that I’ve seen was the one in which Chithra Iyer tried to quit the show in favor of her contestants.

Idea Star Singer 2007 changed the lives of so many singers, judges like M.G. Sreekumar, Sarath, Usha Uthup and most importantly that of anchor Renjini Haridas. The music reality show was a huge success and brought many families back to the routine of watching television. People started choosing their own favourite contestants and the mobile service provider Idea expanded their branches with the nourishment of music.

There was no doubt as the contestants eliminated in each stage. Though there were controversies on the elimination of Varun Thilak, it was clear as light that there were better contestants to prove their talents. At a point, there arose remarks that contestants like Rithwik and Sannidhanandan are going up on the stage through SMS from sympathy line. Those rumours put out as Rithwik got out at a correct juncture and Sannidhanandan himself accepted his limitations to choose to be out from the show. Though some contestants again tried to go ahead with their influences, the real talent chopped their path.

The viewers were so enthusiastic to watch the show by the time of finale and it went well with the appropriate judgment as the rightful contestants matched their skill in the final stage. There was no doubt as Najim Arshad won the title of Idea star Singer 2007.

Then Idea Star singer 2008 came, which saw a decline in the viewer reports. The2008 contestatnts didn’t rise to the expectations of viewers who were so accustomed to the competent talents of Idea Star Singer 2007. The ever changing judges and the low competence of contestants reduced the popularity of the show to a considerable degree. Some people were really shocked as some singers rose to the higher platform through SMS support. In this show, sympathy votes really started to play their game.

(As a personal opinion, I was shocked to see a finalist in that stage. Then, I realized that people are with her through sympathy line. To put my mother’s words here-“She doesn’t have a home. So let her get the villa.”)

Now, here is the finale of Idea Star Singer Season 4. Even I felt sympathy for two contestants like Shikha and Nayana as they got eliminated from the final stage. It was a pity to watch a singer with lesser talent sang to his limits and I chose that time to type this blog. Sreenath and Preethy were two mighty singers none would have objected to be crowned as Idea Star Singer Season 4. AS the final result came out, there was the ultimate shock, as Joby John won the title !

It is so sad to know that the winner is selected mainly on the basis of SMS support. I seriously wish to know on what basis people are supporting a contestant. Is it on the basis of talent or on the personal life? I feel that it is the second criteria that dominated Idea Star Singer Season4. People may be of the opinion that singers with talents can survive by their own, but who don’t have it should be supported!

The Idea Star Singer Season 5 is due to start very soon. There are talented singers who are there with the glittering hopes. However if the winners going to get selected on factors other than music, is it better to change the name into Idea Star Person that Idea Star Singer?

Clay Modelling: Through The Eyes Of two Generations!

Before one year, I never even thought that, I’ll repeat the same lines that my parents told me. “In my childhood days I had to contend with this, that and what all God knows! Now, see what all luxuries you’ve got!" I told this line for the first time to little Shreya, when I picked the readymade clay for her.

“I used to make my hands dirty with the clay we used to pick the farm fields. We had to make dolls out of that, coloured them with rice, turmeric and green leaves. Now see, you are lucky enough to have readymade and colourful clay to play with!”

Little Shreya blinked at me with uncomprehending eyes. Now, well it is time for me to instruct her on little things.

The colourful clay boxes lay unopened for almost three weeks in Shreya’s cupboard. As she explored her other toys and sent one after another to the waste basket, the clay boxes had a safe position. So, I took responsibility to show her the first steps of clay modelling.

Now, as I opened the first box, a sudden flash of memories whipped me into my childhood. -Clay modelling was a trend among the children in our neighbourhood just as painting, drawing, sculpture etc. Being the two girls to represent the woman power in our neighbourhood, I and my sister had actively participated in these interests of boys in our company.

There was one boy named Biju who was a master in these arts. He always excelled in every art mentioned above. I used to envy as ducks, houses, birds and flowers got lives in clay through his fingers. He was also a good drawer and painter too. While others also fairly managed these arts, I was the weakling among them and the prime focus for others to feel confident about their own talents.

However, there were always elders in our neighbourhood to encourage my interests. They heartily congratulated me for making a ball out of clay while I actually made a human head or making a tray which I intended to become a flower etc. Soon, I realized these realms of arts are so sour and kept myself away from these. I became a good critic of these art forms in this process. -

Now, I found it time to try my hands at clay modelling again, to bring Shreya’s interest in this art. I really hoped that time must have ameliorated my skills. The model took form in violet and pink clay. I gave the final touches with the orange clay and showed the finished art form to Shreya.

Shreya was truly thrilled. She well-liked my art and clapped in appreciation while yelling ‘Kaakkaa”(Crow). “Hmmm... Not bad” I thought of myself! Even when two generations analyze my skill at clay modelling there is no change! I had intended to may make human figure and at least it turned out to be a bird for Shreya. I am happy.

P.S: As Shreya comes of age, I’ll definitely send her a good tutor to try her hands at clay modelling. If she turns out be like me, no worries! Then, daughters may not be like theirs mothers too....

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Are You Feeling Guilty?

I don’t know whether this feeling got hold of me only or anyone else! For the past few months, at the end of each day, I used overwhelmed by this feeling-guilt!

Guilt on the fact that I left behind so many tasks unfinished- I haven’t played for a quality time with little Shreya, nothing has been studied as planned, no exercise has been done as planned, no prayers have been offered as planned, no phone calls been made as planned, nothing has been written as planned etc...

Guilt on the fact that I let my mood swings control me at many times-I yelled at Shreya for simple things, I let bad experiences from the past dominate my mind to screw up many of my quality time, I scorned my husband for things for which others were responsible, I hate people for forcing their opinions on me etc. Overall, by the end of the day, I felt tired of being guilty for making everything wrong!

I attributed this guilty feeling at first to my ‘new sitting at home’ status. Then, I started worrying about why this feeling ever let me free. I tried to distract myself by reading spiritual books, watching movies, cooking experiments and engaging completely in household chores. However, at the end of each day, the feeling of guilt grew stronger.

The situation got worsened by people who tried to force their way of living for me. Though, I didn’t seek opinion from anyone, many considered it as their duty to educate me on the roles of a homemaker as opposite to that of a career woman. I must confess that life was in a chaos at that time. I tried to perfect in everything and even a small suggestion for improvement made me nervous. I even started considering my life as futile and failure.

Thanks to the many books that I’ve read during this time, I decided to give myself a second try. As a first step, I avoided all the rules and regulations set to me by myself in order to please others. I was ready to become a ‘bad woman’ as some people might call me. I stopped making conversation with people who might crush my spirit, I started taking some leisure time of my own, I started viewing Shreya as another being, who can spend at least some time in a day by herself and finally I accepted myself with all my follies.

I realize that I am not an angel and not expect to make any mistakes. I am a common human being in flesh and blood, who cherishes the close knit family, rejoices the company of like-minded friends and loved ones, feels happy to get noticed, gets proud in own talents, keeps the grudge in mind, avoids people possessing nagging manoeuvres, hides the little inferiority complexes and over all learns many lessons through mistakes.

As of now, I am contend the way I am! Tomorrow, I may get again upset with these traits of mine and I may struggle to change myself also. However, I think, I’ve learnt the basic lesson now. Overcome the feeling of guilt! I don’t want anyone to consider me as angel with no follies. I have my negative side as well kept as my positive traits. I am not ashamed of that. More than that, I am proud about what I am and always will be.

P.S: I never wanted to write these feelings in public. However, as I was chatting with a younger (in age) friend of mine, she confessed many of her similar dilemmas to me. She says that she overcame those negative feelings after I shared mine with her. She asked me to write this and this is for you my dear friend 

My Games Have Started....

Yeah, it was my weekend outing! Weekend outings are one of its own, in this place. I always want to be out, whereas amma always keep me behind the doors; except for two three hours in a day. That’s why I look forward for weekend outings, where I can spend the whole evening, outdoors.

Yesterday, Achan and amma took me to Al-Jazeera mall. On my way, I badly wanted to test the mechanism of A/C switches in my car. But amma was successful in distracting me by pointing out something or other. She was blabbering all through the way and I kept myself so still . I was in the hope that she’ll stop as soon as she sees my lack of enthusiasm. I was wrong about that! She mistook my lack of enthusiasm as my attention to her words and kept on blabbering.

So, I decided to be with Achan as I entered the Al-Jazeera mall. He is also a good chatterbox, but I was so bored with amma’s blabbering. I enjoyed the shopping time in my favorite trolley and tried to get hands at every little fascinating thing that comes on my way. Finally, I managed with a box of M&M chocolates.

I was sad that we were returning back as Achan and amma had shoved the shopping bags into the car. That is then that they announced the wonderful news. They are taking me to the play area above Al-Jazeera Mall. Wow! I can’t wait to play.

It was a magic world to see. As soon as we entered, I saw so many friends traveling in revolving tea-cups, sailing in boats, riding in cars, hopping in umpteen things, riding round and round on horseback, jumping up and down with balls and revolving with bees.

As Achan and amma were discussing on which would be apt for me, I was absolutely positive about everything. Since they won’t understand my language, I pointed at the nearest one. A boy and girl were riding round and round on a horseback and a bee. Achan put me next to them and I was soon riding on a pink swan. After two-three rounds, I could not see anything and I had to cry.....Achan took me down from the swan.

That is when Achan and amma thought that a ride in a static car will entertain me. Well, I liked the red car and its seat. But as soon as the car started somebody shouted from it in an unknown language and car tried to throw me out. Oh, I don’t want to ride in that rude car any more. Achan’s car is anytime better than this one.

Then amma had her own idea. She wanted me to revolve with the bees. I was tired and didn’t want to do that. I bet, she would have revolved with the bees, if her size matched mine. As soon as she put me in I was shouting at her. She took me out and put another girl who was watching our tantrum. Thankfully the girl enjoyed the ride with the bees and amma enjoyed watching it. Big deal!

Then Achan and amma started...They were teasing me for crying out during the games. I am not a cry baby and they know it well. Thankfully we were out of that area and going to amma’s favourite restaurant.

Now, as we reached the restaurant play area, there was a slider waiting for me. As soon as amma and Achan showed it to me, I just loved this slider. Now, I wanted to show that I can play games. I started sliding then again, again, again and again... Guess what? As food arrived amma jumped for it and they soon found my gaming so distracting. Poor Achan had to come in between the meals to take me out. I felt kind for him and finally went and sat with them in the dining area. We left the restaurant by 11p.m. Achan and amma have promised me that they will take me again for the games. Here, my games have started!

Love
Shreya

I Got My Sunshine...

Saari Umr Hum
Mar Mar Ke Jee Liye
Ek Pal To Ab Humein
Jeene Do Jeene Do

Give Me Some Sunshine
Give Me Some Rain
Give Me Another Chance
I Wanna Grow Up Once Again

Bachpan To Gaya
Jawani Bhi Gayi
Ek Pal Toh Ab Humein

Jeene Do Jeene Do

I am a late bird to watch the so much hyped Bollywood film 3 Idiots. What should I say about the film? Thought provoking? Commercial? Entertaining? Dragging.....?Anyway, I am not going to talk about the movie here. What touched me the most in the movie was the above quoted lyrics!

As per my experience, I am sure; there won’t be a single person on this earth who hasn’t felt as expressed in the above lines. So often I used to feel that “Give me another chance to born again, so that I won’t repeat the mistakes that I have committed so far in life.”

I used to feel that my life is miserable and used to wonder “why I always?” In the past, present and future, I cannot see my life to be perfect! Even when I repair the considered weak points in my life, it cannot be completely perfect.

I really wonder, if there is a single person, who considers their life to be 100% perfect. Some people call me loveable, loyal friend, capable, caring and intelligent of which I am very proud at. There are others who call me distant or aloof, lazy, uncaring or boring, of which I get depressed. Upon these there are others who give compliments just to get their profits from me. Why should I allow others to control my life?

Life can be different if I start to do things consciously and without even controlling it. As the great master Osho had pointed out -I should not suppress my emotions. I would rather put out. But all I’ve to do is to do it with alertness and consciousness. As anger grips me, I should realize that I am getting angry. I should be conscious of it. So I pour the anger out to drain of the negative emotions that I feel.

After a point in my life, I realized that even I have the power within me too. I should not be at the victim point, when I have the power to resist the negative pull happening in my life. There are people like Jane¹ who can make my mind painful through negative words and experiences. However, as I discover my triggering power, I can be a protecting shield like Bella²that makes not only me but also my loved ones safe.

This is a realization that makes my days filled with sunshine. I don’t want another chance to born again and grow since I believe “Everything happened for something good. Agonies can dissipate from my life and I can feel the sunshine or rain in life with equal warmth.

Jane: Jane is a Vampire that first appears in Stephanie Meyer’s Bestseller Twilight: New Moon. She has the power to inflict pain on others with her looks. The victim will get evoked of the negative feelings in his/her life and will be automatically fragile.

Bella: Bella is the heroine in Stephanie Meyer’s Bestseller Twilight series. She is unaware of her power to resist negative emotions till the emergency arises. She becomes a protecting shield for her loved ones against Jane’s attack.