What Should be My Religion?

Let Each man take the path according to his capacity,understanding and temeperament. His true guru will meet him along the path.

                                                                          Sivanadnda Saraswati

"Amma, what’s my religion? Am I a Hindu?" Stuti was agitated as I opened the door for her.

"Mmm-Hmm" I could just nod at the unforeseen query. Her expression was as if I had hidden an important secret from her for so long.

"Are all Hindus liars? Are all Hindus bad? Will I get burnt in Hell?" The questions seemed to take an uglier side.

"Who told you all these?"

"Enaam told me, when we returned from school.  She told me that only Muslims are pure in the world and others will get burnt in the hell."

Ah…. The never ending propaganda and the fitting spark to light up a wildfire. It can heat up even the sleeping Hindu in me. Stuti’s face is red as if in frustration for being born as Hindu.

"No, not all Hindus are bad. Enaam is not telling the truth." I consoled her. I wanted to tell her that some people will have bad influence on us despite their religion. But, before I could mention that, Stuti reached her conclusion.

"Ah… I knew that. I don’t like Muslims."

"Stop, Stop right there…" I panicked at her conclusion.

"Don’t you like Nadeer uncle, Shehnaz Aunt, Ayan & Duaa?" I brought her loved ones into the scene.

"Yes!!!!" Stuti beamed!

"Don’t you like Haseena aunty and Tanu?"

"Yes, I love them." Stuti’s face lit up, "When can I play with Tanu?"

"Well, all of them are Muslims and practice their religion. Do being Muslims make them bad?"

"No…." Stuti asserted it in a long note as if I had suggested an impossible.

"So, what Amma says is that being Hindu, Muslim or Christian doesn’t make a person good or bad. You shouldn’t like or dislike a person based on their religion. You might feel more comfortable with some people and may be rejected by some others. Keep your focus on your loved ones not on people who talk nonsense based on religion."

Stuti contemplated a bit before continuing, "Amma, Enaam is going to attend a school where they will teach only Quran. So that, when she will die, she will have a golden crown on her head when she reaches Heaven. I also want a golden crown and sit in the Heaven and not in the Hell. I want to learn Quran."

Here begins, Stuti’s new fascination...

My little girl has invented all kinds of excuses to avoid the evening prayers. After learning the basic Mantras of Hinduism, she has decided that she has mastered all Vedas and Puranas and no need to waste time for any rituals. Now, she wants to learn Quran, even when the language, in which it is written is strange to her.

"But you never like prayers, right?" I smiled at her.

"I don’t like prayers, yes…but Enaam told me that if I learn Quran and pray accordingly, I will have the whole knowledge in this world. There will be no mysteries or doubts for me after that."

Enaam can really influence her peers. I sighed! But at the same time, I wondered on why I am getting so jittery about Stuti’s new interest. Decades ago, there was a little girl who took efforts to learn Psalms from the Bible so earnestly than her Catholic friends. She never used to miss the chances to attend prayers at the Church even when she missed the prayers at the temple.

I smiled at the memories.  I realized that, till now lighting the candles in the altar gives me the same solace as I stand with folded hands during my evening prayers. Even today, I feel the excitement and happiness in the air with arrival of the Christmas as I feel with the arrival of the Hindu festivals.

However, why am I panicking now at the very idea of my little girl’s attraction towards another holy text? Is it because she’s attracted to another belief thatI wish her not to believe in?

I recalled a similar discussion with Enaam’s mother. She had come upon to meet us as she shifted to this new apartment. She exclaimed as she was about to leave, "When I heard that the new tenants are Hindus, I was a little bit worried. Just for you to know, the Hindus in Saudi Arabia don’t have such modern thinking. They confine to themselves. But you are so different."

I was surprised by her comments and wanted to let her know that even I felt the same about Muslims. But I kept my silence and hid the thoughts under a fake smile. She had then glanced around the room and commented, "Ah, you have a liking for books. Have you read Quran?" She didn’t wait for my answer and continued, "I have an extra copy, and I will give it you. It’s always good to read books from other religions too. It’ll open your eyes and you may even see a new light." She took a copy of Quran from the Plastic bag she had carried and elaborately put it on my table.

"Yes, you are absolutely true!" I had beamed then, "One should read books from all religions. Thank you for offering me Quran and I will take it with pleasure. Also, I can give you copies of Holy Bible and Bhagawad Gita. Please wait for a month. My shipment hasn’t reached yet."

I had hardly met my neighbour after that episode.

During the years that followed in Saudi, I have gone through many such experiences. None of the people who had offered me the Quran were rude, but on the other hand were the most gentle and kind people I have met. I never retaliated to them as I did against Enaam’s mother. Whoever had approached me with the Holy text had a serene appearance and positive aura around them. They treated me as a way lost child, whom they were trying lead into the right path in love and kindness.

When I was working at a school, some of my students stopped me after one such Book delivery.

 "You don’t have to be so nice and forthcoming with these tactics. Do you know what they are trying to do with you?"

I smiled, "Trying to convert me into Islam."

"Yes, or so called revert you back to Islam. Let us tell you. We’re Muslims, but don’t believe in such conversions. You have to believe in what you believe and not in other’s words. Miss, there is no comment in our Holy Quran to convert others into our religion. If someone is interested in our religion they are welcome to do so. But we believe that if God has decided that you should be born in a particular religion, you are born in that religion. You don’t have to do anything against it. Please don’t listen to anyone who tries to convert you into our religion.

If you had given us your religious text to read, we would have been so much upset and offended."

"Don’t worry, I’m not upset and offended with them. They find peace in what they believe. That’s why they took upon themselves to make everyone like them. I don’t feel trouble in reading other religious texts as I find them preach ideas to improve myself and spread happiness around me.

Also, be assured that I’m not going to convert myself into any religion. I am happy with how I live, and I really appreciate your concern.""

I was equally amused and admired by their thoughts. Here is the new generation of the Arab world who think about religion in a much more appreciative manner than their elders.

I now wonder, what had hold me back against loving Islam as I loved Christianity. There were ardent believers too who had hoped that I will convert myself as a Christian. There are pious Hindus who are inherently unhappy about languor attitude in my religion. I stand somewhere in the middle still searching for answers. Why am I scared of Stuti’s inclination towards Islam as my parents were never worried about my inclination about Christianity?

My parents must have realized the secret behind my childhood prayers for the selfish purposes. My attraction to all such rituals were a childish desire for powerful and more immediate success in exams, positions and popularity. Little did I understand the meaning of those prayers.

I believed then that there was an omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent man residing in the sky keeping a close watch of my actions on every minute of the day. I was eager to please him for my benefits but dubious about his religion. I have played many steps in the tunes of different religions over the years. I loved some tunes while I rejected many others. I had addicted to some them and overcame the passion in the later years. 

Now, I have overcome my passion to that mysterious man and realize that no religion owns that supreme power. But my questions are still unanswered… While I still experiment with them, I cannot forbid Stuti from taking her own routes.

Stuti now believes that the study of Quran will reserve a seat for her in Heaven and save her from burns in the afterlife. She also wishes that it will save her from the worldly traumas. Little does she understands the implications and the magnanimity of the religious texts.

I decide that I shouldn’t interfere in my little one’s fascination for knowledge unless or until it doesn’t hurt anyone. After all, no religion puts a barrier for the seeker who is in search of knowledge. As the great teachers had said, a teacher who doesn’t let the disciples to follow another teacher is not a true teacher at all.  One day, Stuti will develop the wisdom to choose her own path for salvation. Until then, I can hold her hand and take steps along with her.

In that evening, I sat together with Stuti to turn the pages of Quran for her…