My Birthday Contradictions

My Birthday Cake

It was my birthday on the previous day. My dear ones started wishing me happiness and good luck since the clock ticked on to the day. The day went very well with happy moments with Sreejith and Shreya; merry talks with my family, loving wishes from my dear ones and a memorable birthday dinner.

Anyone can call me vain to take happiness from these celebrations when many people go unattended on this day. But I look forward to these loving gestures and caring on my birthday even when I tell ‘no, no’ at times. They make me feel alive, happy and merry, for this is a day that the God has chosen for me.

Amma used to tell a lot about my birth. In those days she had done no scanning prior to her delivery and they were expecting twins due to the weight of the unborn baby. Due to the taste of her pregnancy craving, the women in the village also had predicted that the baby would be a boy. There, I was born miscalculating all predictions. 

I was born at 5.45 am exactly at the time of sunrise on that day. My mother still nurture the belief that I’ve the caliber of a rising sun that I would be really smart, caring and will come out from troubles shining. I still haven’t told her that someone had accused me in the later years of my life that I’m a disgrace for such kids born in the early morning hours; since I’m lazy, cold and aloof. Well, as for me I am neither over smart nor lazy but just capable of surviving. I am caring to those whom I care for and aloof to those who irritate me. One thing for sure is that I struggle my best to come out from troubles! In this case I definitely cannot be compared with the rising sun.

It seems, my mother held me to her chest and uttered a small prayer in my little ears soon within an hour of my birth. I don’t know what she prayed. When she saw me hours later the delivery, I had both my little hands in mouth. My hunger was insatiable in the younger age and she had spent many sleepless nights trying to comfort me. Now, when I am with her, she tries to revoke my hunger with her culinary experience. But I feel that my hunger- physical as well as emotional- has reached a controllable stage.

Many people were not so happy with my birth. I cannot blame them since a second baby girl brings an unhidden sorrow to many faces even on these days. But there were also people who just loved me and loaded me with caring only for this status. My maternal grandmother was one among them. I still faintly remember her words:

You shouldn’t cry when you fall down. You are the second girl in the family. No one will be there to wipe your tears and you’ll have to shamefully do it yourself. Better put a brave face and be courageous.

 Her words were not entirely true. There were people who wiped my tears when I cried. But may be because of the impact of those words, I always preferred not to show my tears to anyone unless my tear glands betrayed me.

My mother was alone with me in hospital ward on the night of my birth. Naturally I was unaware of her feelings and might have snuggled comfortably in her warmth. This may be the reason I might have felt a protective comfort from none other than her in my life. But today when I am with my family there are other two precious ones in my life who came later in my life but gave me almost the same feeling.

In the next morning of my birth, the room might have crowded with the visitors who wanted to have the first look at me. But the day of my birth was over! Unlike my birth day, my birthdays in the following years had well wishers and loving ones whose number grew consistently. As my last birthday got over, I felt that there are only contradictions on the day as compared to my day of birth. All over, life is nothing but a phenomenon with contradictions, right?