Flicker of a Firefly

 From the poem Flicker of a Firefly

It was our first night at Doha. Shreya was dripping into sleep. Owing to her complaint on not able to sleep, we switched off the light. In the air conditioned darkness of Grand Regency, I was cradling her to sleep, when a light flickered out. 

At first I was concerned about Shreya’s sleep to notice, where the light had come from. She was deep in sleep when I looked up to see the source of light. It was a firefly! I had never expected any insects and upon that a firefly in that room.  Memories flooded and I was captured in the wave of nostalgia.

Fireflies were the common flying lights with which my muthassan had distracted me from my childhood tantrums. Many of my childhood friends were scared of the fireflies. They were told that fireflies would serve as the lantern for thieves in dark nights. I never heard this story until I reached school. By then, I had started to love those flying sparkles. 

Once, my Achan had helped me to catch one of those fireflies.  I expected a crystal insect on my palm. To my surprise, they were not beautiful crystal insects but ash coloured insects with a pitiful expression.

They were so common that I barely noticed their beauty as I grew up. Yet in some dark nights, I used to see them flying in our yard. During the dark evenings of Kerala monsoon they seemed to evoke some kind of happiness in the otherwise gloomy air. Somehow, I remember the air they floated in blue grey shade. I still don’t know whether it was the creation of my mind, or it was a result of the beautiful blue flicker of the firefly.

Anyway, a firefly’s presence was something that I never expected in the Grand Regency of Doha. I had never thought of fireflies much but never hoped to see them in a desert and amidst a bustling city. Fireflies are always associated with calm, serene and silent household to me.

                                                                                       ***

Sreejith came out from the bath and switched on the lights. The flood of light shut out the flicker of the firefly. Shreya was deep asleep. As I arranged my pillows and cushions, I looked around the room for the grey insect. It was nowhere to seen. 

We switched off the lights and sleep forcibly closed my eyes. I never knew whether the flicker had started behind my closed eyelids.

Mother

I drift on my return,

And Embrace you with a bold smile!

You lift my my head ,

And soon feel the  hidden dampness.

I sleep undisturbed under your roof,

Eluded out of the toxix cacophony..

A cup of coffee gets cold in my hand

You replace it without breaking my trance.

Lazy, arrogant, vain, flirt,  livid......

The names are strewn around me.

You gather them in your dust pan and

I won’t see those crumples again.

When my sun finally shines,

Your face is lit by the moon rays.

My cheeks feel a soft kiss,

Reviving than any meditation,

Reliable than any strong hearts!

Lessons of Unconditional Love

The beautiful concept of unconditional love always seemed to be a utopian idea for me. I had first heard of this concept from my close friend in Pondicherry. She had said:

                           The only unconditional love we get in this world is from our parents.            Even we are unable to love like that until we become parents. How beautiful it would have been if we love unconditionally!

I agreed and disagreed at the same time. Yes, my parents love me unconditionally. But at times, things fall apart too...

It’s true that we all wish to receive unconditional love. But how many of us can love like that? I was furious at the mention of unconditional love during a personality development course.  Our marital life was becoming a chaos owing to our failure in fulfilling some others’ expectations. The coordinator of the programme advised us:

                                       Accept the person as he/she is!

How??? That was the question that came first to my mind. The people who are troubling me don’t have any significance in my life. They have no use for me other than troubling me with their expectations and complaints. How can I love them?

The question still looms unanswered in my mind. However as years roll by, I have concurred that even though I don’t have to love them, I shouldn’t hate them. Hatred is such a poison that can black out our day to day activities. They are like me who demand to be loved unconditionally but who keep conditions for giving out their love.

It is then that I started wondering who love me unconditionally and whom I love like that! I and Sreejith have certainly reached a stage of acceptance. But; still do we love unconditionally? Do the outbursts of anger and arguments prove that we have still a long way to travel in the path? I don’t know...

There is no doubt that my mother loves me unconditionally. But do I love her so? If she turns a deaf ear to me on the next day or doesn’t fathom my anguishes as she does now or doesn’t forgive my mistakes, will I love her the same? The question is difficult to answer.

My little one with the innocent eyes loves us unconditionally and we do the same to her. Our hearts are those of parents and we feel the bliss of unconditional love with Shreya.  But how long will her love remain the same? She will move away from us as we had moved away from our parents. In this only case I am optimistic that we will love her unconditionally despite her mistakes.

How come I am so sure about the only and one unconditional love in my life? How can I love only one person in my life like that and not others? The reason lies in me. Though I don’t realize it at many times I view my baby as myself. Her worries, happiness, anger and dreams are my own. That bond didn’t come as an obligation but as a gift that I have chosen for myself.  I don’t feel the same feeling in other relationships where the bond didn’t come entirely as my choice.

I wanted some loving relationships to happen and tried relentlessly for it. My efforts got fulfilled when the other side also shared my wishes. However when my chosen persons didn’t share my wishes, clashes started to happen. Yes, the conditional love never happened in my life with others since a part in me didn’t choose them in my life.

Is it possible to have unconditional love for everyone in my life? Great people seem to possess that unique gift! As of now, I am far away from that caliber. Yet, I have at least one person whom I love unconditionally, two or three others who are part of me, some others who make my life blooming and others who test my strive to love everyone.

Gaddama Didn't Tell It...

There are many movies based on life at the Middle East. I wasn’t very interested in these movies than any other outsider, prior to my two years stay at Saudi Arabia. As I planned my trip to Riyadh, my apprehensions were on its peak. Thanks to the various books, articles and above all movies-I felt like I was boarding the plane to the hell on my first flight to Riyadh.

After my life here, now I start to think. There is a curious way in which many movies have portrayed the Saudi culture-A mad slaughter house! Is that really so? I am planning to analyze some of the movies that I get a chance to watch about Middle East Culture.

On the previous months, Malayalam movie reviews were raving about the movie Gaddama.  Those who are not familiar with the movie can get a brief about it in Wikipedia. 

The movie which has already been shortlisted for many awards is indeed a good attempt to show the lives of many housemaids who had to face terrible hardships in a foreign land. When I appreciate this attempt and applaud the motive behind it, I cannot pretend to see some terrible mistakes in its theme.

First and foremost is the reference to the Burqa system in Riyadh. As the protagonist arrives at the airport and waits for her sponsor, another woman acquaints her. The latter advises the heroine that no one can get out of the airport without covering their heads. I just thought, “What nonsense?” Even if one argue about the status of a housemaid is different from that of a housewife, I’ve seen the housemaids walking out the doors of airport flaunting their costumes.

Secondly, the acquaintance asks the heroine to remove her sandal paste from the forehead. My dear friends, no one will beat you up here for having that mark on your forehead. Moreover the heroine is sitting at the airport, where various people from various countries happily walk around. I felt that these two stunts are just to evoke the feeling of Riyadh in the spectator’s view.

Then, what happened after Aswathi (the heroine) reaches her sponsor’s villa? Everyone mistreat her! The spectator will get the feel that either Arabs are extremely violent people or that entire family is mad. Most of the people who watched the movie easily stick to the first notion. 

But, before you throw stones at all Arabs for mistreating their housemaids, it would be good to read the experience of the drama artist Nilamboor Ayesha. She worked as a housemaid in Riyadh for several years and has good memories of her employers. They actually helped to recover her family from destruction while her own natives backed out from it. (Courtesy: Interview with Nilamboor Ayesha: Vanita Magazine-February 15, 2011).

It is essential to look at situation of sponsors who bring the housemaids to Riyadh too. In order to protect the condition of housemaids in the Kingdom, the government takes SR 17000 from the sponsors to bring housemaids from other countries. However many housemaids choose to work as freelancers after a few months of their work at the sponsor’s house. No one can stop them since they are legally rightful to work in the country. Many sponsors naturally turn violent in these situations.

Also, all the housemaids are not as innocent as Aswathi in the movie. One year before, a couple had been detained in Saudi prison by a complaint from their maid. After two months of torture in the prison and separation from their infants, the couple proved to be innocent. The maid had brought her secret lover to her employers' house, which had been discovered. She was about to be deported at the time she put forward the complaint and trapped her sponsors.

Thirdly, the movie has made a serious crime in depicting the natives in dark shade. Aswathi escapes from her employer’s house only to be hunted by native womanizers, blind law and violent prison life. It seems like the country is damned place with only negative things around it and only Kerlaites are the angels in this hell. Is that true?

I personally know many people who benefit out of kind Arabs, who help their employees beyond levels. I have also heard about the people who come here to make money and ready to stab anyone for that!  There are good and bad people everywhere. It’s really an offence to show an entire race in a dark shade through a popular public media.

I don’t deny the fact that stories like Aswathy’s don’t happen in Saudi Arabia. In the end, can I ask one thing? Is this harassment of housemaids happening only in Saudi Arabia? Isn’t it only three months back that a 11-year old servant girl got killed in the God’s Own country? When people get shocked about the life of housemaids in Saudi Arabia, are they ignorant of these crimes in own soil?

Now, let me have my thought about Kavya Madhavan’s acting as Gaddama. I personally feel that she had done better roles than this. When the movie was getting released, there was a trailer with the caption-When she acted the life that she had to live. (Translation of Malayalam: Aë`hn¨ PohnXw A`n\bnt¡­n h¶t¸mÄ!). Really cheesy, isn’t it? Over all, the movie can be watched for once. In Malluwood, where there is scarcity for good movies, this movie will definitely stand as the Queen among the ugly ducklings. 

Well, I’ve wrote this much not because I close my eyes towards the atrocities that happen in Saudi Arabia. Shocking incidents like these do happen in the country just as it happen in any other country. That does not mean that all people in K.S.A are violent and barbaric. There are good people among them as much as bad people among other countries.

I don’t say that whatever they do are right. But we should have some concern about the countries that still serve as a major source of-financial support for our country, life for many of our people and provide ample opportunities for who deserve it. Here is my request to all the artistic creators- You are doing a great thing by showing facts and thus creating awareness. But don’t add spice to it and twist the facts. There are always two sides for the coin and never show only the worn out side.

A Look Inside and Outside Abaya 2

 Continues from A Look Inside and Outside Abaya

Yet, it would be untrue if I tell that I never missed the times without Abayas. Whenever we had to go for some parties and dress up properly, I always checked if there is an opportunity to remove Abaya at the party hall. I also regretted on my baby’s first birthday party, when I put on the saree and had to wear Abaya above it. Thankfully, I had to do so till I reach the party hall. 

You may call it the vanity of a woman to show off, but on some days, I would feel like dressing up and not wearing Abaya! Mutaween thrice instructed Sreejith to cover my head. Though not harmful I got irritated with the feeling “Who are they to decide?” Apart from these, I was quite ok with Abaya. 

But teenagers have another point to note. In an age when they wish all eyes to be on them, it’s a punishment for them to cloak under dark attire. I’ve seen many teenagers open their Abayas in the front and wear them as a coat flaunting their fabulous attires beneath.

These are the experiences of a Hindu woman in Saudi Arabia. But, Muslim women are not free as me since they have some religious rules to abide. Some of them happily oblige to the rules believing that one should not judge them with their looks or attire but by their actions. But there is an argument against this. Many other women feel that, it is a way to identify women in derogatory term ‘woman’ and not as individuals.  

There is also a rumor that many women must be so ugly to reveal their face. That may be the reason behind niqab. This doubt was clarified to me as I had a chance to see their faces in Ladies’ quarters since many of them are stunning beauties. Many native women wear the trendiest attires under the Abaya and some not at all. However, one thing should not be neglected-someone should really teach many of them the basic lessons of hygiene. Be in Abaya or outside, they should know how to clean themselves!

Talking about hygiene there is a view that is quite repelling for me. Many women slip juice and food (especially noodles) under their hijab at the family restaurants. The food would be spilled on their dress and must be trickling in many situations. In those moments, I just wonder “Why can’t they be a little neat and have the food normally?”

Last week, a woman smuggled some of the items from a famous department store in Riyadh. She stored everything under the Abaya and stepped put. However her Abaya couldn’t fool the security alarm since it beeped out. Almost one hour lapsed for the proceedings of the store, since the women police had to come for the inspection of the lady. The shopkeepers assert that Abayas are thus a great headache for them in these situations. 

These are some pros and cons of Abayas that I assumed during my one year stay at Riyadh. As per my knowledge these are the simple truths about Abayas than the many horrifying rumors spread about them.

Well, my dear ones, I didn’t regret wearing the Abaya. Most of the things that you fear from outside can be comfortable when you get in. And for those who doubt on whether I would wear an Abaya in India, my answer is “No.” I can get into a culture and accept their routines as my own as long as they host me. But, in my country I am free to have my own choice and be my own!

A Look Inside and Outside Abaya

O Prophet, tell your wives and daughters, and the women of the faithful, to draw their wraps over them. They will thus be recognised and no harm will come to them. God is forgiving and kind.

                                                                                                             Quran 33:59

“Going to Saudi? Oh, my God! You’ll have to wear Burqa there...”

“Oh my God, I can’t imagine you in that unhygienic attire. You’ll be stinking in that black dress in the desert.”

“See, Saudi is quite a mad country. You will have to clad completely in Burqa. When you are outside, you can show only your eyes. Even for going from one apartment to another in the same building, you’ll have to wear Burqa. They’ll make such a fuss even if a strand of your hair is shown outside.”

“Better wear black Salwar Kameez with long sleeves when you go to Saudi. Cover you head with the scarf. Ask your husband to bring Burqa to the airport. They’ll detain you otherwise.”

When my travel plans from India to Saudi Arabia was on, these were some instructions given to me by people who had been to or heard about Saudi Arabia. Even I, who had browsed about the country that I was going to live for some years, was horrified with this bit of knowledge. As per instructions, I clad myself in black Salwar Kameez with long sleeves and set forth with all apprehensions. I had also insisted that my husband should bring Burqa to the airport.

Sreejith came with the family friends Appuetan (Thrivikraman) and Sudeep to receive me at the King Khalid international Airport. All along my time at the airport, I felt that people were staring at me for not wearing Burqa. Appuetan and Sudeep shunned away my fears. They were in Riyadh for more than 10 years and assured that there is no need to wear Abaya on the way to and back from international travels.

My fears were not completely annihilated. I was arguing with Sreejith for not buying  the head scarf and face cover (later I learnt that their names are niqāb and hijab respectively), when another family friends came in.  The woman in the gang assured me that you have to wear only Burqa as mandatory. You can wear the shawl in the neck unless or until the Mutaween spot you and ask you to cover the hair. Still, that’s not dangerous since they won’t talk to you directly but only to your husband. You never have to wear niqāb and hijab by rule.  Keerthi also updated me that in Saudi Arabia, Burqa is referred as ‘Abaya.’ 

Honestly I didn’t trust her words completely. But the same evening, we went to the super market for shopping. That very first evening in Riyadh, I started to love Abaya and realized some of its advantages. The sand storm was in its strength when we stepped out from the car. The long cloak protected our body and without anyone’s instruction or demand, we automatically covered our head and face. I sense that in the old days, Abaya must have worn by native women to protect themselves from these sand storms, which are frequent in the desert.

Inside the mall, I found out many women in Abayas and without niqāb and hijab. Soon, I got used with the garment and many months passed without any hassle about Abaya.  As of visiting the friends in the same apartment, we never concerned about wearing Abaya. Even the Islamic women from India roamed around freely in the house dress in our apartment building.

As time went I found Abaya really useful whenever I have to go the nearby department store. Imagine yourself going to the department store in your cotton pants and house T-shirt. It is possible only under the protection of Abaya. Also, I remember the time, when I had the severe rheumatic attack and could go out just by putting the Abaya around my nightdress.  Soon, Abaya made me forget about my costume selection whenever I have to go out!

Since Abaya plays a main role in Saudi, there are some Abaya stores in the country set out to create trends in these garments too. There are many designer Abayas that are quite expensive and worth a catch. The designer Abayas might entice even those who argue against it. I was quite stunned by the hues and designs on the black garment on my first visit to an Abaya shop. They come in various materials too. When it’s prohibited for Muslim women to shape their Abayas, others can do so! Also, anyone can go and stitch Abayas in accordance to their body shape too. Normally Abaya appear in black colour, but I’ve spotted some women wearing the colourful ones too. 

During our shopping extravaganzas, we found that there is a special detergent especially available to wash Abaya. The Abaya cleaner with the soothing scent became our favourite not only for Abayas but for all our black dresses.  The feeling was so fresh to wear the Abayas after a wash in this detergent.

Yet, it would be untrue if I tell that I never missed the times without Abayas. Continues

Unknown Lives...An Explanation

An explanation for my earlier post 'Unknown Lives' 

There is no need to say that our life change day by day without our awareness. Off late, I get more aware of the fact that in this change, many people contribute tour life. Somewhere, sometime and somehow we might have crossed their roads. The only fact is that their lives were unknown to us till they came to play a role in our lives.

When I was in Bangalore, my friends from other parts of India used to make fun of me. “When two Keralites meet, they will first ask ‘What’s your name?’ and they next question would definitely be ‘Where are you in Kerala?’” Interestingly, they are true! But this is applicable not only to Keralites but also to others too.

When we are in a new situation and with new people, there is a tendency in us to connect with some of them. That is when we try to trace our common ways between them. As we get closer, we often wonder how we’d missed each other during the past even when we crossed the same roads. 

There are also people who came to our lives as total strangers and who became an integral part in our journey. But we might have earlier connected with them as total strangers. We might have been with them in the same movie hall, or traffic signal or shopping mall or temples/churches or at hospital etc. It may sound weird, but we don’t know who is there for us even on the very next day.

Some people went away from my life while others returned after a short break. Curiously,  even when they played an eminent part in my life, I never knew their lives completely. We were together for some time and shared the happiness and sorrows of that particular time. After the days of togetherness, we kept live the feelings for each other in mind and started a new life with new lives.

I may start a new life in the familiar but changed grounds very soon. .The life will turn another leaf. As I was thinking anxiously on the unknown lives ready to merge with mine, I had another thought. In a way all other lives except own life were unknown to us, right? We never know our parents' or siblings' lives other than period; we don’t know our partner’s life prior to the day we met them; we don’t know our child’s life after certain period!  . But one thing is certain. They all have imparted something or other into our self-to love, to care, to pamper, to trust, to confide, to fear, to hate and to be together.